


Tony Stark is a heroic idiot

by tonystarkisgreat (orphan_account)



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Clint and Tony definitely have a prank war, Except it was totally needed though, Hurt Tony Stark, I’m bad at tags, Post Avengers (2012), Self-Sacrificing Tony Stark, and they’re definitely best friends, this could be seen as pre slash, what do you mean Clint never put spaghetti in Tony’s socks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-14
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-08-02 04:45:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16298420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/tonystarkisgreat
Summary: It all started with a prank war. Well, that’s not why the Doombots attacked, but.. well, you’ll get it.AKA I love whumping Tony Stark and I thought “oh hey Doombots and collapsing buildings are a classic, why not mix them together?”





	Tony Stark is a heroic idiot

**Author's Note:**

> So this is probably horrible but whatever y’know? I don’t know how to write Natasha and Thor so sorry, they’re not here.

The day it all started was a normal day. Well, as normal as a day can get when one superspy (Nat was on a mission for SHIELD), a genius, a super soldier, and a green anger machine live in the same tower. (Thor had to visit Asgard).

“Tony! I swear, I’m gonna get you back for this!” Clint yelled, jumping off of the air mattress.... that was floating in the middle of the pool.

“I’d like to see you try, bird-brain!” Tony laughed, making sure all of the camera angles were on as Clint splashed towards him.

“You’ll regret this when you’re pulling spaghetti out of every pair of socks you own!” Clint yelled as he climbed out of the pool.

“Wait, what? JARVIS, are my socks full of spaghetti?” 

“From what I can tell, sir, they may be.”

“What the fuck? This has got to be the weirdest thing you’ve ever pulled!” Tony sprinted forwards the glass doors, running out of them.

“That’s not the only thing you have coming for you,” Clint barreled through the hallway towards Tony, dripping water on the floor.

“Shit! Steve, Brucey, protect me, a wild bird is trying to eviscerate me!” Tony screamed as he ran into the kitchen, hiding behind Steve.

“I’m not getting into this, I would prefer my socks spaghetti free,” Steve backed away from Tony, hands in the air, as Clint arrived in the communal kitchen, dripping wet and looking furious. Bruce smiled, shook his head, and poured himself an orange juice.

“Clint, if you murder me, I’ll never make you high-tech arrows again!” Tony backed up slowly.

“Then maybe I won’t murder you, but you’ll sure regret that prank you pulled today,” Clint grinned, slowly walking forward.

“JARVIS, save me!” Tony shrieked as he tried to climb on the kitchen counter.

“Agent Barton, I believe you will have to save your revenge for later, as there seem to be some Doombots attacking the city,” the AI replied.

“Thank you JARVIS! Doombots hath no fury like a hawk scorned!” Tony laughed as he jumped off the counter and went to put on his suit.

“Clint, try not to kill Tony before Thor is back from Asgard, we need someone who can fly,” Steve smiled, heading to suit up.

“Fine...” Clint grumbled as he followed Steve our of the kitchen, with Bruce right behind him.

——————————————————————

“Okay, what’s the situation?” Tony flew out of the tower, following the Quinjet as it carried the Avengers to the scene of the attack.

“It seems about a hundred Doombots have started attacking buildings and chasing civilians in some parts of Manhattan,” Bruce said, looking at a screen as Clint landed the Quinjet in a street a couple blocks away from the Doombots. “A few of the Doombots look bigger than the rest.”

Steve told the Avengers their orders, “Okay, here’s the plan: We have to keep the Doombots in one area, so Hawkeye, you get on a roof and pick off the ones trying to move away from us. I’ll circle around to the right and Bruce, we’ll call you if it’s a code green.”

The comm line was filled with “Okay”’s and “Got it”’s.

“Bird-brain, need help getting onto a tall building?” Tony grinned.

“... yes,” Clint grumbled, still kinda upset at Tony for the prank earlier that morning.

“Great, hold on tight!” Tony swooped in and grabbed Clint, soaring over to a building in the center of the chaos and dropping him on top.

“Tell me if you need a quick exit!” Tony grinned and flew towards the Doombots, blasting his repulsors.

There were Doombots everywhere, and even though they were being taken down left and right, cornered by the Avengers and the buildings on the street, they still seemed to be fighting more than usual.

“Hey, has anyone seen Doom nearby? Normally he shows up to these sort of thing..” Tony muttered suspiciously into the comms, blasting a few Doombots to high hell.

“Last time he didn’t show up, the Doombots destroyed three buildings...” Bruce stated. “Cap, you sure it isn’t a Code Green?”

“Not yet, we might be able to handle it without the Hulk,” Steve decapitated a Doombot.

“Got it.”

The battle continued, with Bruce keeping an eye on things and asking every couple minutes if a Code Green was needed.

Soon, only a few Doombots were left... but they suddenly became a lot more unpredictable. 

Suddenly, at least six Doombots went crazy and focused solely on Tony, and a few more went after Steve. 

“Shit, are you sure it isn’t a Code Green?” Bruce stood up and looked outside of the Quinjet.

“There’s only a couple more.. no need to worry you’re pretty little head, Brucey-bear!” Tony spun around as a Doombot latched onto the back of his suit. “We... might have it handled.”

“Shit, I need a quick exit Tony!” yelled Clint as he ran across the roof away from a few Doombots coming after him.

“I- may have a bit... of trouble with that!” Tony yelled as he blasted a Doombot off of him.

“Try to go down the stairs inside the building!” Steve sucked behind his shield as a Doombot shot at him.

Clint kicked down the door on the roof and ran into the stairwell. Suddenly, a three Doombots broke away from accosting Tony to head to the bottom of the building Clint was in.

“Watch out! More bots coming your way from the bottom floor, Clint!” Tony yelled, blasting a Doombot and soaring after the others into the building.

Tony glanced around in the shadows of the building, seeing nothing, and then he flew into the stairwell and ran right into Clint.

“Did you take down the Doombots who flew in?” Tony asked.

“No... I didn’t see them, I figured you’d handled them,” Clint answered, starting to reach for another arrow. 

“Hey, guys, a couple of the bigger Doombots out here are beeping with a red light flashing..” Steve poked a Doombot.

Tony’s eyes widened. “I’ve seen this before! They must be bigger because there’s a bomb inside! That’s why Doom isn’t here. Son of a bitch!”

And that meant... “Clint, there are two bombs in this building that might go off in less than 10 seconds!” 

Both Steve and Bruce started yelling in the comms, but Tony ignored them and quickly grabbed Clint and burst out of the stairwell, glanced at the two blinking lights on either side of them and time seemed to slow down.

Tony’s instincts told him if he flew at the corner farthest from the bombs, he wouldn’t make it in time and both he and Clint would be hurt. 

But.. he could throw Clint, and Clint would be safe. He would be slowed down at least .57 seconds, but Clint could be safe, and hey, he had the armor.

Tony made the decision.

Clint suddenly found himself being thrown at a wall. 

“Tony!” Clint shouted, turning towards the man in the metal suit.

Then, Tony heard a boom, he was suddenly weightless, there was heat, and then the world was black.

——————————————————————

Clint blinked slowly, waiting for the black spots in his vision to fade and the ringing in his ears to stop.

He slowly pushed himself up and coughed on the dust, looking around. It was dark, so he pulled the flashlight out of his backpack and switched it on, looking around.

Tony. He needed to find Tony. Clint looked around the small area he was in, just tall enough for him to stand and a few feet wide, so he could walk around a bit.

He shined the flashlight around the edges of the room, looking for a glint of light reflecting off of a gold or red metal.

“Tony? You there?” Clint spotted a metal hand sticking out from under a pile of rubble on the edges of the area. 

“Tony!” Clint started pulling as much rubble as he could off of the suit, revealing the helmet and right arm, along with part of the upper back.

“Hey, hey Tony can you hear me? Are you okay?” Clint fumbled for the release catch on the back of the helmet, pulling it off of Tony’s head.

Tony’s eyes were closed and his face was very pale. Clint quickly reached into the collar of the suit, near his neck, and sighed in relief when he felt a pulse.

“Thank god..” Clint murmured. 

Then, Clint realized it was quiet. Not just because he was buried under a building with an unconscious billionaire. He realized his earpiece for the comms was missing. 

“Shit, they probably don’t know if we’re.. alive,” he finished the statement as he glanced at Tony worriedly. 

Clint glanced around, and his gaze paused on the Iron Man helmet. Tony had his comms built into the suit, right?

He reached over and put the helmet on. The HUD lit up. 

“Uhhh... activate comms?” Clint said, unsure of how it worked.

“Of course, Agent Barton.” JARVIS’s voice echoed through the suit.

“-e still need to know if they’re okay and what parts of the rubble will shift if we move something, okay?” Steve’s voice was heard over the comms.

“Don’t care! Hulk need save metal man and puny arrow man!” Hulk roared.

“Guys! Thank god, I got the comms working! Both me and Tony are alive,” Clint said.

“Are you two okay?” Steve sounded hopeful.

“That’s... another story. Tony’s out cold, and I can’t tell how he’s injured because he’s mostly buried under some rubble.” 

“Can you try to pull him out?”

“No, the rubble is too heavy.”

“Okay, me and Hulk are going to try and get you two out. What part of the building are you under?”

“We’re under the side opposite the stairwell.” 

“Okay, Hulk, lets go.”

“Hulk ready!”

Suddenly, Clint heard a groan.

“I think Tony’s awake! I’ll talk later!” He quickly pulled off the helmet and turned to Tony.

“Hey, Tony, you awake? It’s me, Clint.”

Tony slowly opened his eyes, his face twisted in a grimace. 

“I... wh-what.. happened?” Tony muttered, his voice hoarse.

“Do you remember the Doombots? They attacked, but Doom wasn’t there. A few of them turned out to have a self-destruct mechanism. You saved my life.” Clint said softly.

“That.. sounds about right.. seems like wh-what I’d do..” Tony wheezed.

“You mean be ridiculously reckless? When I first saw your hand sticking out of the rubble, I thought you were dead.” 

“H-hey, aren’t lectures.. supposed to be a..n after battle th-“ Tony broke off into a coughing fit. 

“Shit, Tony, you okay?” Clint winced when he saw the blood. “Stupid question, listen, don’t worry, Steve and Hulk are on their way.”

“I’m.. not-t worried... you’re fine... doesn’t matter now.” Tony coughed again. 

“It does matter, you’re clearly injured! Badly!” Clint raised his voice.

“Sorry...” 

“What the hell are you sorry for?”

“I... listen, i-if I don’t.. get out..”

“Don’t say that, Steve and Hulk are coming!”

“Promise me.. tell JA-JARVIS to.. activate protocol 39A.” Tony continued.

“What’s protocol 39A?”

“You’ll see..”

“No, I won’t, because you aren’t.. dying before I get payback for that prank!”

Tony laughed, “O-oh yeah? Well you’re not allowed to prank... injured people, Hawkass.”

“You wanna bet?” Clint could hear the Hulk’s roars getting closer and more rubble being moved above them.

“Sur-“ Tony started coughing again and gasped for breath.

“Hey, hey, don’t talk, okay? You’ll be fine.” Clint ran his fingers through Tony’s hair. “I’ll do all the talking.”

Clint started telling Tony of one time when he had broken both of his legs and a finger during a SHIELD mission when some rubble moved. Clint blinked at the bright light and grinned when he saw Steve. 

“Tony, Steve’s here!”

“T-took him.. long enough.”

“Hey, Cap, come get this rubble off of Tony. You might need Hulk’s help.” Clint called.

“Got it. Hey Hulk, over here!” Steve called as he started to pull the rubble up.

“Hulk help. Hulk be careful, get tin man safe.”

“H-hey, Clint... think I might take.. a nap ... now...” Tony murmured.

“No, Tony, not yet, if you sleep now I’ll tell Natasha to kick your ass when she gets home.”

“F-fine..” Tony tried to keep his eyes open.

Then, Steve and Hulk finally lifted the chunk of rubble off Tony, pulling out some rebar that had impaled him.

“Agh-“ Tony let out a shout and then his eyes rolled back into his head.

“Shit!” Clint quickly started pulling all of the catches to get the armor off of Tony. 

“A SHIELD medevac is on it’s way, it should be here in less than a minute,” Steve stated.

“How help tin man?” roared a clearly upset Hulk.

“Calm down, we may need Banner,” Steve put his hand on Hulk’s arm. Hulk shook his head and sat down in the rubble, facing away from Tony.

Clint was putting pressure on the place where Tony had been impaling, murmuring quietly to Tony. 

“C’mon, SHIELD’s almost here... hang in there,” Clint glanced at the medevac helicopter that was landing nearby. “Tony, you with me?” Clint checked his pulse and swore when he felt how weak it was.

“Hey! Over here!” Steve called to the SHIELD medics.

The medics showed up and asked Clint and Steve to back up, and then they took Tony.

“God, this is worse than New York...” Steve mumbled.

“He.. he’ll be okay, right?” Clint glanced at Steve.

Steve was silent for a second and looked away. “C’mon.. lets calm down Hulk.”

—————————————————————

Flashes of light. Pain. People talking. He was flying through a hallway. Darkness. More pain.

 

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Tony groaned. He slowly opened his eyes and blinked a couple times. He shifted slightly, and then winced as pain washed over him.

He was sitting in a white bed and the walls were white. He was in a hospital. Of course.

“Tony! You’re awake! Thank god,” Tony turned towards Bruce’s quiet voice and saw him standing up from a chair.

Next to Bruce’s chair was Steve, somehow snoozing in one of the uncomfortable hospital chairs, and a table with a sketch pad and a pencil laying on it.

“Hey, Brucey-bear,” Tony croaked. “What happened?”

“Do you remember the Doombots?”

“I.. yeah, there were a few in Manhattan... the bigger ones,” Tony’s eyes widened and he sat up as he remembered, “They we’re bombs! Clint! Is Clint okay?”

“He’s fine, thanks to you, calm down, Tony.” Bruce reassured him. “Don’t you remember what you did?”

“No.. I remember the bots had a self destruct mechanism. Everything past that is... a blur.”

“You saved Clint. A couple Doombots were about to self-destruct, and you threw him to safety. You’re lucky you aren’t dead,” Bruce explained.

“Oh... So, everyone’s okay?” Tony asked.

“Other than you? Yeah, Clint sprained his arm and Steve has a few bad bruises, but they’re fine.”

“Good.” Tony leaned back, and then winced.

“I’m gonna call the doctors now, okay?” Bruce told him, and then pressed the call button. 

Somehow, as the SHIELD doctors bustled in, Steve managed to stay asleep the entire time. 

After the doctors left, Tony gestured to Steve, “Should we wake him up?”

“He was up since the battle waiting until a couple hours ago for you to wake up, and then he fell asleep, but maybe you being awake might convince him to finally go home,” Bruce revealed.

“How long has it been since the battle?” asked Tony.

“Hmm.. it’s.. 8 o’ clock now, so almost an entire day,” Bruce told him.

“Oh.. wow,” Tony murmured. “Hey, Cap, wakey-wakey!” He added, louder.

“Huh?” Steve sat up, looking confused for a second, until he saw Tony grinning.

“Tony! Thank god, Clint and I have been so worried!” Steve stood next to Tony’s bed. 

“Speaking of bird-brain, where is he?” Tony asked.

Steve looked around. “Oh.. I’m not actually sure.”

“Natasha showed up and forced him to head back to the tower. She was gonna bring you, too, but you were already asleep,” Bruce informed them.

“Oh, well I think I might take a nap now,” Tony yawned.

“Well, if you need me just call me,” instructed Steve. “I’m going back to the tower to sleep in something more comfortable than a hospital chair.”

“See ya later, Capsicle!” Tony grinned.

Steve waved as he walked out.

“Well, g’night Brucey-bear,” Tony mumbled, closing his eyes.

——————————————————————

The next time Tony woke up, he yawned, looked at the ceiling, and nearly fell out of the bed because a certain archer was watching.

“Jesus Christ, Legolas, are you watching me sleep?” Tony smirked.

“Well sorry if I’m a little worried, but you nearly died! Technically, you did!” Clint snapped, swinging down from the vents.

“I... oh.” Tony blinked a few times, looking slightly troubled.

Clint sighed and sat down. “Sorry.. Just.. why’d you do that?”

Tony thought. “I... I don’t remember,” he lied.

“I had JARVIS play back the video from your helmet.. he told me that by throwing me to safety, it slowed you down nearly a second, and the only reason you weren’t entirely buried in rubble was pure luck,” Clint told him. 

“Well hey, I’ve always been lucky, I mean, I flew a nuke into space and I survived.” Tony grinned. 

Clint rolled his eyes and smiled, “Actually, you’re more stubborn than anything.” 

“There’s a reason we still have a prank war going on. Speaking of pranks, did you really put spaghetti in all of my socks?”

“Yeah.”

“whAT THE-“

——————————————————————

**Author's Note:**

> wow you actually read it all shocker  
> thanks, my twitter is ice__spider if you want to follow me  
> if you have any ideas for a nice fanfic comment it bc I am unoriginal


End file.
